An unexpected decision

Nearly 3 months ago, as you know, we made the decision to move W and L from their current foster home to our home so that they could live together with their younger sister A.  What I may not have mentioned is that A is their half sister.   In most ways, being half siblings doesn't change anything but when it comes to making decisions for the children's future and making permanent plans, it does make a difference.  It means that more adults are involved and that things become a lot more complicated. 

To make these types of big decisions, meeting are called, allowing all involved adults to come together and discuss.  As foster parents, we are invited to meetings to express our concerns but generally we have very little input in regards to decisions about the children's future.  This is very hard; to care for a child and work very hard to bring siblings together and then have no real input about their future goes against everything that being a parent is. But it's reality. It's another reason why being a foster parent is such a difficult thing. 

Anyways, this week a meeting such as this was held to discuss A's future and it was decided that A will transition to live with her paternal great-aunt.  

It is very diffcult not to get emotional about this decision because we strongly feel that the children should stay together; that maintaining the sibling bond should always be the first priority.  

Unfortunately, this will not happen. 

We will miss baby A very much but more heartbreaking is that W and L are going to miss out on living with their sister. No matter how many visits are arranged, and how many play dates are had, nothing will replace the bonding that happens in the simple daily moments of life. 

Right now we are still processing all of this. 

We are praying for peace in our hearts, for peace in our minds as we process this unexpected decision and for wisdom to know how to move forward.  We pray for a clear vision of what God's will is for us and our family. 

We pray for A as she moves from the only family she knows into a new environment and for that family as they adjust to a new baby in their home. 

Finally, I ask that you join me in praying for W and L. Having a sibling move away is, yet again, another transition for them to process and it may bring up some very strong emotions that they don't yet have the tools to handle. We are hoping that this doesn't make them regress and that we don't loose too much of the progress we have made in the last 7 weeks. 

Praying for peace during bedtime battles

I think that most parents would agree that generally, bedtime is one if the toughest parts of parenting.  We all do our best to set up routines and do calming activities in the evenings. We read stories, give baths, rub backs and generally do everything we can to get out beloved children to sleep. Because let's be honest, we love our children but by 8 o'clock we are ready to watch project runway with a glass of wine. Okay, maybe that's just me but we all need a moment of peace, some uninterrupted conversation and some sleep. 

Bedtime is tough for most kids too. They are usually tired and winding down is tough. Laying still is hard, especially when the blanket is not straight and the room is not the perfect 72 degrees not to mention that itchy spot that seems to jump around their little bodies. 

I have been through many bedtime battles with my bio kids.  Nightmares, spooky shadows, itchy blankets and lost stuffed animals - been there, done that. 

But parenting foster kids is a completely different thing.  Settling down at night is even harder because they really don't want to stop long enough to process how their world has been turned upside down; how much they miss their parents; how they wish their life was different or the same or "normal". They don't want to relax and lay still because it makes them think about their past, worry about the present and fear the future.  Add to this the fact that these young children have never been taught how to talk about these emotions, it's a powder keg just ready to explode into fits of rage, uncontrolled anger and despair. 

This is how bedtimes are at our house.  Some nights can go off without a hitch and it's just over an hour from "okay kids, time to get ready for bed" until all are asleep while other nights are filled with anger, defiance and fear.  

It undoubtedly the most challenging aspect of parenting amplified when foster parenting. 

We continue to pray for peace over our home, for healing in the lives of these children and for grace in all if us as we work through these challenges. 

If you can, please join me in my nightly prayer; which usually starts at 7 pm when the kids begin to get ready for bed. "Jesus, please let your peace which surpasses all our understanding fill this house, envelope Your children and guide our behaviors. Build a hedge of protection around the minds of these children and begin your healing work in their lives. Amen."

Two weeks in

 We are two weeks into this new version of our family and so much has changed.  We knew this was going to be a challenge but knowing and experiencing are very different things.

We are balancing new routines, new personalities, new food likes/dislikes and more. We are figuring out the kids "triggers" and quickly learning how diffuse a situation before it spirals out of control. We are learning how to handle fits when they do develop into them. And we are starting to learn how to teach older children skills that will allow them to better cope with their feelings and expressing their fears, worries and what is bothering them. It has been a challenging couple of weeks but great at the same time.

Though we still have moments of being completely overwhelmed by the demands of 5 kids 6 and under, we still feel like this is right.  Not only is it the right thing to keep all three of these siblings together but it's right for our family and the calling that God has placed on our hearts (more on His calling on a different day).

How I'm doing, honestly.

In an attempt to be somewhat transparent and honest about this journey I feel like I should share how I'm feeling.
Despite the fact that the transition has been going better than we thought it would and despite the fact that we have already seen progress and signs of everyone settling in, I am struggling.

For those who know me well, I am an introvert and not having a single second to myself from 7am until 10 pm is completely draining to me. I feel like my tank is empty and when I need extra patience, compassion and understanding, I am struggling.  More often than not, I feel completely overwhelmed and unequipped to handle it all. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing; I'm worried about not spreading my attention evenly; I'm concerned about how this is affecting our boys and I wonder if we did the right thing.  I'm stressed about my business and the fact that I haven't been able to work in nearly two weeks.  I am overwhelmed by the mountain of laundry and seems to be growing at an alarming rate.

I know that we are just finishing up week one and things are bound to get easier but right now, it's tough to see how I will manage.  I read a great article about the challenges that introvert moms face and I think it explains my struggles very well.

http://theaquilareport.com/motherhood-the-introverts-challenge/#.UgOmchZdItG.blogger

Please continue to pray for all of us as we continue to get to know each other and figure out how to relate best to one another. Please pray for our boys, who are feeling the challenges of having less space and more personalities around. Please pray for the two older foster kids who are struggling with settling into new routines, schedules, food, bed and new authority figures.  We all have a long road ahead of us with many challenges and I pray that trust will be built quickly so we can come together and begin functioning in a more cohesive way.

I have complete faith in Gods strength to get me through this tough time because my human strength and endurance is not enough.

"Don't you know who made everything?
Haven't you heard about him?
The Lord is the God who lives forever.
He created everything on earth. He won't become worn out or get tired.
No one will ever know how great his understanding is.
He gives strength to those who are tired.
He gives power to those who are weak."
                (Isaiah 40:28, 29 NIRV)

A day at the courthouse.

Today, I had another foster parenting and personal first.

I spent the day at the courthouse.

It was a long tough day with another two still ahead but it was eye opening for me.  Spending a day on a hard church-like pew, just listening to testimony after testimony was incredibly exhausting. Hearing about the family history of the children in my care was heart breaking but in order to understand them better, it's also necessary.

The best part of my day?

Arriving home to five beautiful smiling faces and plenty of hugs. Seeing how much fun that everyone had with Pete and knowing that all these kiddos, my biological kids and my foster kids are safe and thriving.

That makes all this worth it.

Plus all the kids are asleep (other than the baby who needs a final bottle) and its before 9:30. It's a new record!  We will have to get that closer to 8 very quickly but for now, it's a small victory.

Two days in

I just wanted to give everyone a quick update.
 W and L arrived Friday afternoon and they were greeted by our two very excited boys. Everyone was very excited and once we got a bit settled things have been going surprizingly well.  Granted it hasn't been without a few hiccups but honestly, the initial transition has been very smooth. The toughest part has been trying to get everyone settled for bed and Izzy has been the hardest one to convince that it's time to sleep.

Tomorrow will be our first attempt to take all five kiddos anywhere. I figure church is the best place for a trial run - a place full of grace and child care.

We continue to ask for your prayers. We have about a week and a half before school starts for all the kids which will be yet another transition for all of them.  They have all be managing well in the short term but we are always aware that when the honeymoon period is over, we could be facing a number of challenges.

Almost here

For days now our two boys have been asking "When are W & L coming?"  Well boys, only three more sleeps.

The anticipation has been building and things are now nearly complete and ready for their arrival.  This experience has been very different than our typical new foster placements.  In the past, I usually receive a call from the case worker anywhere from a couple hours to 30 minutes before they arrive at our home.  But since we usually take one baby at a time, there's not too much to prepare.  Pull out some diapers, appropriate size clothes and some bottles; a quick 15 minutes of prep.

I am very grateful that we had plenty of notice for this transition.  Not only was I able to get the house cleaned up and set up in an organized, somewhat relaxed or at very least thoughtful way, but we were able to prepare our boys.  Having two more kids, near their age, sharing their toys, space and parental attention is a huge adjustment on it's own but to have it with no notice - I can't imagine the stress that would cause them.  But now with their little minds somewhat wrapped around the concept and the changes happening, the excitement and anticipation is building.

As for us, the parents, we have been busy in other ways.  School supplies, school clothes, beds, sheets, toys, extra lawn chairs and car seats have all been bought/borrowed/gifted and I'm about as ready as I can be.  Other than a few more cleaning tasks, there's not much more to do.   Mentally and emotionally, I am nervous - there is so much I can't plan for.  I'm praying that the transition will go smoothly for all the kids.  I'm praying that everyone settles into a good routine fairly quickly because in a short 12 days after the kids arrive, school starts.  Most of all, I pray for all the future unknowns in these kiddos lives.  As with all foster placements, we have no idea what will transpire in the future.  There are a lot of variables but we really hope and pray that these siblings will remain together. That is the reason we have moved them into our home;  so that they can bond as siblings and create relationships that will last their entire lives, as brothers and sisters should.

Please continue to pray for us.  We appreciate all the generosity we have seen over the last few weeks.  We have had a flood of toys, clothes and most importantly support.  It has been a blessing beyond words.

Heart-felt thanks

First, we would like to again say thank you for everyone's support.  The outpouring of love and all the kind words has been completely overwhelming.  Without the support from family and friends, this decision would have been even harder.

A number of wonderfully thoughtful people have asked us how they can help us.  We thought we'd address the question here on the blog.

First and foremost, please pray.
Pray for us as parents, for our biological children, as well as for W and L who are going to be going through a lot of changes in a short period of time.  We will all need a lot grace and patience as we adjust to this new life.

Our philosophy as foster parents is that we will always treat foster kids as if they are our own.  For us that means, they will receive new school clothes, toys, have birthday parties and enjoy extracurricular activities just like our biological children do.   Much of these expenses are covered with the monthly stipend.   At the same time, our philosophy as parents is to bring all children up to know Christ by raising them in the most positive, Christ-centered environment that we can, which includes enrolling them in Christians schools.  Unfortunately, the state does not cover private schools so it is our decision - place the children in the local public school while our kids attend private or put all the children in the same school.   For us, it's an easy decision; all the children will attend the same Christian school.  We believe that God will provide the funds each month to continue this.

Though we do receive a small stipend from the state to support each foster child, getting our home prepared for two additional children is our responsibility.  We are in the process of re-arranging rooms and looking for additional furniture to accommodate everyone.  We are still need need of a set of twin beds (we are hoping to find a set that can be turned into a bunk bed for when the boys get a little older) and a larger dining room table.  We have found some suitable items at IKEA and are planning on a making a trip up in early August before the kids come.

We still have a lengthy list of items on our needs/wish list and about a month to get all the items together.
If you would like to contribute, we would be truly blessed by your generosity.

School supplies (with four kids in school we have a HUGE list of supplies needed to start the year)
Girl toys (we have absolutely no toys for a four year old girl and we are unsure of what she will arrive with)
kid size lawn chairs (we will need two additional chairs)
Bikes (one boy, one girl)
Pillows (x2)
Twin mattress - we have an older one that will do for a little while but it's not in great shape.
Twin sheets in pink/purple/aqua/white (x 2)
Twin sheets in Navy/white/blue (x 2)
Gift cards to purchase school clothes, shoes, car seats, etc (once upon a child, target, IKEA, Kohls, Payless etc)

Also if you are willing to support our decision to place the children in a Christian school, our school runs a TRIP program which allow us to purchase gift cards and a certain percentage of those cards will be taken off our tuition bill.  For example, we purchase HyVee gift cards with our monthly grocery budget and 4% of that money will be put towards our monthly tuition bill.  It's a simple, way for us to save a bit each month.  Gift cards can be purchased at our school, and if you would like more details on this program, please feel free to contact us directly.

We have been so blessed with so much - a home that will accommodate a large family, a wonderful job and the amazing support of family and friends.  We truly feel blessed to be walking down this new path, knowing God will provide for all of our needs and the needs of His children.  Thanks to everyone who is walking this journey with us, the love that you show to us and the children that come into our home, changes lives.

The count down begins

I just looked at the calendar and realized that it's less than 5 weeks until W and L will be moving in.  At first glance that doesn't seem too bad but during the next 5 weeks, we have 3 trips totaling 17 days away from home!

I am beginning to feel the pressure of the sheer magnitude of our "To Do" list.  I really want to have everything finished around the house so that when W & L arrive, things will be comfortable for them.  I would love for their rooms to be complete, the family room to be re-organized and even the garage, which holds all the outdoor toys, to be cleaned up and the house to be clutter-free.  The monster named "Perfectionism" is showing it's ugly face but I'm taking a deep breath and taking it one step at a time.  I'm attempting to adopt a more relaxed attitude and working at accepting the fact that everything isn't going to be perfect and it never will be.  What fun would that be?  I'm sure this will be a lesson that will be reinforced as we transition into a household with 5 kids.  (FIVE KIDS?!?!?!  I'm still blown away at where God has led us.)

  But the list maker in me can't be completely contained.  I have a fairly long one started.

But we are already making progress. 

 The "Girls room" is being transformed from a dark brown cave into an airy room with a coat of paint.  

We have one bed in the process of being painted to better suit the room and we are making a long list of items for our trip to IKEA in early August.  This has been motivation to finish a lot of little projects that have been lingering for too long.

Before I go and put a very tired set of boys to bed, I just wanted to quickly say how much we truly appreciate all the kind words and well wishes we have received.  We will do our best to keep you informed as we embark on this crazy journey.

Making Adjustments

Since we made the decision to bring W and L into our home, we have been making plans and adjustments.  We are so blessed with a home with a rare layout with 4 bedrooms on the main level and after a game of musical beds, I think we have managed to find enough space for everyone.  Pete rearranged his office and we were able to comfortably fit in our guest bed.  Izzy agreed to give up his favorite blue bed once he heard he was going to get a bunk bed.  So the blue bed is being painted into a clean white bed for L and the bunk bed will be painted blue for the newly dubbed "Boys Room".  Judah and Izzy both have hand painted room signs so we ordered three more signs so everyone has a defined personal space.

When your family expands suddenly storage quickly becomes a concern.  Thankfully we have just the right amount of coat hooks in the entry but four school backpacks simply won't fit.  And all the extra clothes, toys, and carseats, I needed some new creative solutions.  After a rather lengthy trip to Lowes, I think I have solved at least some of the storage issues.  I have extra shelving for toys for the "Boy's room", an extra closet rod for the "Girls room" with the expectation of many adorable dresses and hooks for everyone's room to hold their backpacks.  A place for every thing and hopefully everything in it's place.

We have a long way to go; curtains to make and hang, bedroom to paint, furniture to find and paint and simply just cleaning up the house and garage so we can start fresh.  But I feel like we are making progress quickly.

Honestly, I have so many lists started, both in my head, on notepads and on my phone but slowly I can see that we 'might' get everything completed in time.  I have never been so thankful for my hyper-organized, type A brain.  That may become an issue when the chaos starts but for now, I will run with it.

The circus life is about to begin ....

When I choose the name of this blog nearly a year ago, I had every intention of writing about our life as a foster family.  I envisioned a blog full of insight and tips that could help other families transition into foster families, encourage and educate those who were interested and just generally have an outlet to share my experience.  Quite honestly, I never ended up writing anything because the transitions of infants seemed to be natural to our family and I never knew what to write about or had any sage advice to give.  We have been a foster family since February 2011 and since I (Jenn) work from home, we have always focused on infants and babies who aren't able to attend daycare yet.  So far the experience has been wonderful and has felt very natural.

Currently we are caring for a beautiful baby girl, A.  Two and half months ago she come to us as a four week old, just a few days out of the NICU.  Now she is a chubby little doll who is growing in a happy contented little girl.  As we have cared for A we have also gotten to know two of her siblings, her brother W, and sister L.  They stop by every week after their family visit and we can come to really look forward to those weekly stop ins.  After seeing their family interactions, we really started believing that being together was what would be best for this family long term.  Though previously we have never considered taking any more than one foster child at a time, we did feel like God had been preparing us for something big.  We knew that all three of these children should be in the same home, bonding and getting to know each other but could we really be the family to facilitate this?  That was the big question.  Then this week, the family's social worker asked us if we could consider taking W and L for two weeks of respite while their foster parents were in Germany and we had a decision to make.  Of course we would be willing to take the kids for those two weeks but were we called to do more?  Was this the time to transition these kids into one household?  Could we really handle two more kids in our home?    We had many, many questions but through it all we also had an overwhelming sense of peace and a sense of what we were supposed to do.

After prayer and discussion, we have decided to take on the responsibility and privilege of uniting these three siblings under one roof, allowing them to bond as a family. Which means, we will soon be juggling an infant, two preschoolers, a Kindergartner and a first grader, all while trying to balance work/home life and attempting to maintain family relationships, friendships, the home, the laundry pile and our general sanity.  Phew!  I get a little overwhelmed when thinking about it but I have complete peace that God is going to provide the patience, understanding, stamina and most of all the love and acceptance to care for all five of the children He has entrusted to us for however long He sees fit.

If we thought life was a hectic before, we are now officially living "The Circus Life"

Stay tuned for more!