An unexpected decision

Nearly 3 months ago, as you know, we made the decision to move W and L from their current foster home to our home so that they could live together with their younger sister A.  What I may not have mentioned is that A is their half sister.   In most ways, being half siblings doesn't change anything but when it comes to making decisions for the children's future and making permanent plans, it does make a difference.  It means that more adults are involved and that things become a lot more complicated. 

To make these types of big decisions, meeting are called, allowing all involved adults to come together and discuss.  As foster parents, we are invited to meetings to express our concerns but generally we have very little input in regards to decisions about the children's future.  This is very hard; to care for a child and work very hard to bring siblings together and then have no real input about their future goes against everything that being a parent is. But it's reality. It's another reason why being a foster parent is such a difficult thing. 

Anyways, this week a meeting such as this was held to discuss A's future and it was decided that A will transition to live with her paternal great-aunt.  

It is very diffcult not to get emotional about this decision because we strongly feel that the children should stay together; that maintaining the sibling bond should always be the first priority.  

Unfortunately, this will not happen. 

We will miss baby A very much but more heartbreaking is that W and L are going to miss out on living with their sister. No matter how many visits are arranged, and how many play dates are had, nothing will replace the bonding that happens in the simple daily moments of life. 

Right now we are still processing all of this. 

We are praying for peace in our hearts, for peace in our minds as we process this unexpected decision and for wisdom to know how to move forward.  We pray for a clear vision of what God's will is for us and our family. 

We pray for A as she moves from the only family she knows into a new environment and for that family as they adjust to a new baby in their home. 

Finally, I ask that you join me in praying for W and L. Having a sibling move away is, yet again, another transition for them to process and it may bring up some very strong emotions that they don't yet have the tools to handle. We are hoping that this doesn't make them regress and that we don't loose too much of the progress we have made in the last 7 weeks. 

Praying for peace during bedtime battles

I think that most parents would agree that generally, bedtime is one if the toughest parts of parenting.  We all do our best to set up routines and do calming activities in the evenings. We read stories, give baths, rub backs and generally do everything we can to get out beloved children to sleep. Because let's be honest, we love our children but by 8 o'clock we are ready to watch project runway with a glass of wine. Okay, maybe that's just me but we all need a moment of peace, some uninterrupted conversation and some sleep. 

Bedtime is tough for most kids too. They are usually tired and winding down is tough. Laying still is hard, especially when the blanket is not straight and the room is not the perfect 72 degrees not to mention that itchy spot that seems to jump around their little bodies. 

I have been through many bedtime battles with my bio kids.  Nightmares, spooky shadows, itchy blankets and lost stuffed animals - been there, done that. 

But parenting foster kids is a completely different thing.  Settling down at night is even harder because they really don't want to stop long enough to process how their world has been turned upside down; how much they miss their parents; how they wish their life was different or the same or "normal". They don't want to relax and lay still because it makes them think about their past, worry about the present and fear the future.  Add to this the fact that these young children have never been taught how to talk about these emotions, it's a powder keg just ready to explode into fits of rage, uncontrolled anger and despair. 

This is how bedtimes are at our house.  Some nights can go off without a hitch and it's just over an hour from "okay kids, time to get ready for bed" until all are asleep while other nights are filled with anger, defiance and fear.  

It undoubtedly the most challenging aspect of parenting amplified when foster parenting. 

We continue to pray for peace over our home, for healing in the lives of these children and for grace in all if us as we work through these challenges. 

If you can, please join me in my nightly prayer; which usually starts at 7 pm when the kids begin to get ready for bed. "Jesus, please let your peace which surpasses all our understanding fill this house, envelope Your children and guide our behaviors. Build a hedge of protection around the minds of these children and begin your healing work in their lives. Amen."